Emotional Intelligence is Attractive

Meeting new people—especially for introverts—is never simple or easy. It can get more complicated when romance is involved. If you have ever been left alone with strangers at a social function or had an awkward first date, you know this. Here is how emotional intelligence, and learning conversations that attract people, will help you with your social and romantic life.

Attracting the Right People

Are you picking friends or romantic partners for all the wrong reasons? If you don't understand and regulate your emotions, feelings such as insecurity, boredom, lust and jealousy can get you mixed up with the wrong crowd. Have you ever felt pressured by your peers into doing things you didn't want to or started acting out of character? Have you ever dated someone who seemed great 'on paper' but didn't deliver the real goods and fulfill you emotionally? Having a high EQ allows you to resolve those emotions and make healthy choices for who to invite into your life.

Being Socially and Intentionally Present

Have you ever been reminded of an experience from your past or suddenly felt insecure about the future? Did you regret what you said or how you conducted yourself? We all have personal stories that bring out emotions such as fear or rejection and left unchecked, they can spill into our social interactions. When engaging with friends or a romantic partner, being intentionally present and focused says a lot about your character and maturity. It puts everybody else at ease. Having emotionally intelligent conversational skills will help you process any feelings and respond appropriately in the relationship.

Being Resilient to Rejection

Resilience is particularly important for dating and romance. We once heard a father give some advice to his daughter. He told her it was OK if relationships didn't work out because that just meant she was getting closer to 'the one', and would eventually end up happily ever after. However, we all know how much a broken heart hurts, and if the feeling of rejection is not processed appropriately, the probability of giving future relationships a healthy chance diminish greatly. If one is afraid of rejection, taking risks is overwhelming. Resilience is the capacity to handle negative input while still maintaining positive output. Emotional intelligence can make you resilient to rejection and even help turn breakups into healthy growing experiences.

Making an Authentic Connection

We all wear masks to hide our weaknesses and pain. It's natural to want to put on a brave face or create an identity of success. Masks can be shaped around careers, status and accomplishments. When wearing a mask, nobody gets to know the real you. Removing the mask takes healthy vulnerability where authentic connections can occur. We also want to know there is emotional support from others when things get tough—and of course, we want to do the same for them. Having a healthy EQ, and the right conversational skills, will help you make authentic connections and have the emotional capacity to invest in a relationship. This type of authentic investment always pays dividends if you are willing to take a risk and try.

Remember, EQ is a Skill Anybody Can Learn

Too often, we hear that emotional intelligence is too hard to learn. Yes, it can be intimidating. We compare it to learning how to ride a motorcycle, which is much different than driving a car. First, there is always the fear of crashing. Then gears and shifting must be learned. Finally, you have to be more aware of other drivers on the road. Riding a motorcycle is all about a system. While the motorcycle system feels weird and clunky at first, once you learn it and practice, everything becomes second nature. Then riding a motorcycle becomes FUN. 

Learning Conversational EQ, is the same way. It too will be FUN.

Frequently Asked Questions >

Methodology Articles >